03 August 2011

My Dearest

Below is a letter that my dad posted on his Facebook for my mom.  Their love story was truly magical and very uncommon.  My dad fell in love with mom when he was in college.  She was his English professor, seven years his senior.  My mom often wondered why this student of hers kept waiting for her after class and carrying her books to the teachers lounge.  Apparently, he would do that even when he didn't have class on that day.  It was only when my dad left college and joined the U.S. Navy where he decided to pursue a relationship with my mom through letters.  In a year's time, they were married in a civil ceremony in Subic and a couple of months later, in church.  They were together for more than three decades.  The day my mom was taken to the hospital due to her stuttering was their 34th wedding anniversary.

It is very difficult for me to know that I will never see my mom wrap her arm around my dad during church services or hear her call my dad "darling."  No matter what problems they had, I always knew that they were very much in love with each other.  You should have seen them whenever my dad came back from a cruise, they were so sweet with each other.  I know out of all of us, dad will have the most difficult time adjusting with my mom gone but i know that he'll be okay.  We are both lucky to have had mom with us for so long.  We led a crazy life, but it was filled with love.

 My Dearest,

It has been almost three weeks since you passed away and I am still out of sorts as to how I'm suppose to feel.  With sadness without a doubt but, I am still trying to carry on as though you are still here. I am sure you would want me to do so. It is basically what I told Clarissa. To carry on smartly with what she's responsible for. Her husband, her daughter and her work. And she is doing well. She handled a lot of the things during your wake and she was very steadfast. Of course there was a time or two when the fatigue was getting to her, but she maintained an even keel at all times. You raised her well. The household chores are getting done. Our house manager is doing an excellent job. I have asked Loida to work full time dahil there are still quite a lot of things to work on. Marami namang nakinabang sa mga clothes mo. They liked your style very much.

It is only now that the feeling of emptiness is making its presence known. Sleeping on our bed by myself is still a very alien feeling for me. It was only last night that I had an almost uninterrupted sleep. I have been waking up at midnight or 1 am and not go back to sleep till 3 or 4. Well, I am able to play with the radio during those times but mostly just making busy sa radio room.

The wake was packed!!! So many people came to pay their last respects to you. There were three jeepney loads of people every evening. The Don Bosco and radio friends were there too. Saturday evening was a madhouse. So many people!!! My cousins from Pampanga came. Even Troy came down from Beijing. I know you are a very quiet person with an aversion to crowds but, this shows how many people loved you. Greetings from many sectors on the email and FB flooded the computer. I gave up trying to answer each and everyone dahil ang dami 'Nie! Most notably, Yayoi had some very touching words about you and our current situation. You can really feel the sadness in her letter. But I told her na it is our belief that you have moved to heaven and have claimed your reward from our God as He has promised. Quite difficult to explain that concept to our Japanese friends. Hopefully they will one day embrace it too.

My days go by and it is difficult at best because I sometimes expect to see you as I walk in a room or turn a corner. I am having a good understanding of what the feeling of emptiness is. I know that we will see each other again in heaven and I already am looking forward to that. I had no clue that being bereaved of your loved one is this difficult. I am sure that one day, the pain will be gone and the grieving will stop but for now, I pine for and I miss you.

Clarissa called and was asking me a question that is grammar related. All, I can tell her was to "google it". She misses you so 'Nie.  But we are so blessed with a wonderful son-in-law. Alain is wonderful person. I thank God for blessing us with him as a husband for our daughter. You granddaughter is nothing like her mom. This one is a bundle of energy. Kahit short time lang, I am glad you got to hold her and be with her. Looks like she'll be a firecracker. Our balaes are doing a great job with her.

 I thank God daily for allowing us to share some time together. I thank Him for allowing us to experience, joy, sadness, pain and triumph together. I look forward to the day we'll be together again. I will be fine. Everyone is going out of their way to cheer me on.

No comments:

Post a Comment